Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
