flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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