i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
