I'm drive I can fine osifer
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
