I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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