ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
