Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
