Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
