whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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