I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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