In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
