Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It's shark week go big or go home
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
