Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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