i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
