At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
