i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
