His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
