At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
