go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
