It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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