I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
