When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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