my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
