Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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