I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
