Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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