Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
17 year olds will be the death of me.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
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