remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
