Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
