Don't you send me to vm
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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