he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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