You just made me feel so damn special
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
