so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
