I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
