Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
