Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Bring me that man meat
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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