Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
