Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
