She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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