I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
