True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
