I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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