Buhtt sex?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
