I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
