Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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