im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
