dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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