This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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