I want to stick my p in your. b.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
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