That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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