I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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