garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
where are you?
Hypothermia
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
