how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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