puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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